Mom vs. Pizza

Tonight at dinner, my mother tried to imitate her favorite pizza recipie. Every year, during our vacation, we go to a certain pizza place. My parents get the same thing every year. So, she spent several hours in the kitchen trying to create it. May I remind you, she is "proteining" right now. Every so often, she reforms and goes on a protein diet. The only fruit she can have is berries. She can have most veggies. And most of all, NO CARBS. Or very little, anyway. So, she ate one slice of pizza, and then said "I'm only having one slice because I'm proteining" (or something to that effect). She then said, "I could scrape off the top and just eat that... that's in my diet!" And she meant it. She wasn't kidding. She really was going to eat the cheese, bacon, and assorted veggies. I then suggested that, not unlike meat substitutes, she find a good bread substitiute that wouldn't wreck her diet. She does make a good chocolate cake with ground pecans instead of flour. However, unlike her with the pizza, I was joking. She took me seriously. She thought of the pecan cake. I told her to make bread with it. She said "No, it wouldn't rise correctly. You could make a flatbread, though..." Something like that. Dad then offered to take us all out to ice cream. Mom said that she would go, but it wasn't in her diet. She also can't have sugar. Mass amounts of sugar, anyway. She can have a little. This isn't a strange occurence in my household. The strange diets of my parents frequently dictate what we eat. My mom found out that curry is anti-cancer, and that you're supposed to have it three times a week. Then, at least twice a week for several months, I was forced to eat curry. I don't really hate it, but I don't really like it. She started putting peanut butter in it, and that helped, but still. My own mother forcing me to eat a food I don't like TWICE A WEEK. Now, it's more like once a month. I like curry now. I find curry with peanut butter delicious. But still. Our strange dieting habits take part in our household like a child. Comment question: What strange diets take part in your household?

Starting Up!

        Let me introduce you to my parents: Calorie counting, constantly dieting, Mom yells at Dad not to put so much salt on his salad. You'd think they would no longer think that they need to diet anymore. They've been doing this as long as I can remember. For years, we've had a variety of diet foods and books in the house. South Beach, Weight Watchers, anything you see in the infomercials. Everything except diet pills, that is. Mom doesn't believe in diet pills. However, she does believe in pills for everything else. Blood pressure, cholesterol, cancer preventatives(she's a breast cancer survivor), more vitamins than I can name. She even gives me vitamin D when I have a cold. She's convinced it will help. Personally, this doesn't seem to work for me. But let's go on. Since Mom recovered from cancer, our household has 99.999999999% organic food. I agree with this. In fact, I gave up Eggo waffles and Toaster Scramblers to avoid preservatives and other processed chemicals. I am a sucker for chocolate, though. I don't care about preservatives there. We even go so far as to use organic soaps, shampoos, deodorants, candles, etc. Our family is a good example of failed dieting. Mom diets all week only to break it and eat junk food all weekend. Dad has tried to lose weight for years, but looks almost no different than he did several years ago. Our house is constantly filled with diet foods, such as Weight Watchers Fudgesicles, Weight Watchers Popsicles, and many other diet brand foods. One of my favorite things is the Go Lean cereals constantly kept in the house. One of the worst fails has to be the two-year-old Fiber One bars we have in the pantry. They've been there for a while, and supposedly, they're for Dad, but I've never even seen him eat one. We tend to tell other people to eat healthier, like my parents tell me to, but not do it ourselves. I eat very healthy, but my parents are convinced I don't. For example, at dinner one night, my soup wasn't salty enough. I salted it, tasted it, and decided it still wasn't salty enough. I went to salt it again, and Dad told me not to. Then, Mom went on to tell me about how if I don't eat healthy food, my skin will break out. We recently went on vacation, and we ate at restaurants a lot. On vacation, many diet plans are off. However, they did make a semi-conscious effort to stay somewhat healthy this time. I ate lots of fried, greasy food, as well as wearing sunscreen to the beach, and my skin shows it. I'm rather broken out. I'm also out of (organic) acne products. Yes, we go so far as to have organic acne products. I recommend Burt's Bees Willow Bark Extract Acne Solution. Works like a charm! You'd think that with such food-conscious, diet crazy parents, I'd be messed up, dieting, maybe have an eating disorder or something? No, I'm happy with my body. I think, if anything, I should weigh more! I eat healthy, but for the purpose of staying the way I am, staying healthy, and living longer. I think you've met me and my parents, now it's time to know the actual purpose of this blog.

      This blog is for fun. It's to share my diet-crazy, food-conscious parents(and my thoughts on their adventures) with the world. I hope you enjoy their crazy stories, adventures, and otherwise nutty things.